Back to the graphing paper

On Christmas Eve I was told I did not pass the boards exam. Unfortunate timing to say the least. It was hard to tell the family when they asked, because they all have been supportive through the whole process. Although it was difficult to admit failure it made me appreciate my family more than ever. 

For awhile I blamed myself. Why didn't you study enough? Why didn't you know enough to pass? Then I had to take a step back and realize that this exam is difficult for a reason. We train to work with vulnerable individuals and to become certified should not be a walk in the park.

So I have to get my butt back to The White Book and notecards. I will await my grade report and refocus. 

2014 was the year of......

I recently found a blog that asked 50 questions to help reflect on this past year. Here are just a few that I wanted to share:

If you had to describe your 2014 in 3 words, what would they be?
     Stressful and Rewarding

What was your favorite compliment that you received this year? 
    "You helped our family so much."

What was your favorite moment spent with your friends?
     Getting together with classmates before class to discuss anything but school work. Also              getting to spend more time with friends and family after graduating.

What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?
    The moment when I knew how passionate I was for my field- when I to stand up for a                 student knowing full well that I could have been fired. My job is not about my own                     gratification but about doing what is best for each student/client I work with. 

What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?
     Activity and coloring books (I would allow myself some time per day to do sudoku or make      inappropriate versions of Hello Kitty). Also tons of flash cards (I like studying old school). 

What new habits did you cultivate?
     I became more aware of the balance I needed- working out, hanging out with friends,                  studying, and taking some me time regularly. I stumbled a bit with this where all I would            focus on was school and letting everything/everyone else fall through the cracks. Now I              make it a point to balance as much as possible. 

What advice would you give your early-2014 self if you could?
     I would tell myself that the stress of graduate school will be worth it, and you are so lucky to      have such supportive family and friends. That the year will be overwhelming but it was              still one of the best years you could ask for. 

What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?
     This has to go to my boyfriend, he was my rock all through school. He kept reminding me to      take a step back and trust that I will do well. Letting me vent for hours, hugging me when I        was crying from stress, and helping me make flash cards. His calmness and objectivity was        the best thing for me. 

And for 2015.....

 I hope that 2015 will be a year of creating myself career wise. I want to spend more time with my family and friends. I will continue self improving (less critical of myself, better stress management, have more fun, etc.) If 2015 could be half as wonderful as 2014 I will be an exceptionally lucky gal. 

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!

How did writing a blog become aversive?

As you know I haven't written in awhile. I was going to write more posts to increase my fluency in ABA terms/procedures as well as a stress management system. When time came to take the BCBA exam (yes I actually pushed myself to take a scary 4-hour test) I could not bring myself to write about it. I was asked over and over by coworkers, family and friends "How did you think you did?" 

I appreciated all of their concern and well wishes but the fact of the matter is I have no idea how I did and I have been a ball of nerves since August. Taking that test not only gets me certified in my dream field but it also changes my work into a career. Something that I was dreaming of for the longest time now all of a sudden I feel anxious and scared. Going from a Behavior Therapist to a BCBA is a huge change- becoming a supervisor, writing IEP goals, conducting FBA's, etc. All of these new components to a job that I may be horrible at are closer than I thought. What if I don't do the obvious choice first for a student? How will I handle training multiple staff? How will I react to a difficult case or parent? 

All of these "what if" questions have been running through my mind and I couldn't shake them. Now that this coming week I will most likely get my results for the test my stress has become more intense. 

Now that being said I will deal with my issues and begin writing again.